Ever wake up in the middle of the night and glance at the clock just when it hits an exact 60 seconds, or it reads something like 3.33 and wonder if maybe there is something more to the whole deal than just a coincidence? Hmm, well maybe. I’ve been doing that a lot today. Or I’ll say something to somebody and then 5 minutes later I’ll hear the same thing said on some passing advert on TV or on the radio in the car.

It all started when I woke up at 9:29am to the second, having set my alarm for 9:30am. I don’t usually wake up like that. Had to deal with noisy neighbours and their horrid taste in music. So I turned my clock radio up louder, Triple J played Coldplay, In my place. All things aside, it was a nice wake up.
Had to go buy it of course then. Which led to buying V-Rally 3 for PS2. Which is very cool btw. Next is Tekken 4 and Summoner 2. Came home, painted my nails while watching Peter totally destroy a perfectly good Subaru Impreza
Been trying to finish up the site most of the afternoon. Have alot of scanning to do yet but it’’s almost done.

It’s 10:19am, I haven’t slept. I have passed from tired into oblivious ignorance. My eyes are just a dull ache and my head hurts a little. Enough to remind me that It’s about eight hours behind in recharging. It’s almost as if I need to test myself, push the boundaries of what I should and can have. My mind is always on alert and if I let it’s guard down a moment, I might miss something, how obsurd. Yet it’s there, nagging at me and reminding me that the need is too strong and I can’t yield forever.

To try to explain the reasoning behind such thoughts would seem like some over dramatic analysis, petty and tiny. But it’s big enough to make me fear something I once craved. I’m going to try a number of things to try and help me sleep, try and get me back in a semi-normal sleeping pattern.

Even now, speaking about it like it is a problem makes me want to avoid it all the more.

Cat finally decided to come home today. After pimping the neighbourhood for the past two and a bit days he strolled in without a single guilty thought crossing his furry little mind ..the nerve. I really don’t think appreciating my concern for his health and wellbeing is on the top of his ”to-do list”. Sometimes I feel like his landlord.
Other than that excitement, the day has been quite uneventful. Bought the Muse, Hullabaloo CD which I should have in fact picked up yesterday. I pondered over the probability of getting to the shopping centre in under ten minutes. Of course, by the time I had weighed up the pros and cons, twenty minutes had passed and all was lost. I guess sometimes it’s just as important to talk about it, then at least you know that you could have made it, but because of all your important conversation you didn’t, not because there was no way you would have gotten to the shop in ten minutes anyway.

Dinner at my parent’s house this evening, well this evening just past. Late again, as usual. My uncle has come to visit from Armidale and will be here for the weekend so of course we do the obligatory family dinner thing. Was a fairly late night. My poor mum drank a little too much red wine me thinks, she ended up spending half the night feeling rather sick. I worry about her alot. She is always the strong one, the one that is there for me when I’m down or sick, she always knows what to do and then the tables are turned and I have to be the strong one. It’s not always easy to come across as sincere but the sincerity was there.

So I stayed with her until the ill feeling had passed and she was back on her feet. She kept saying how embarresing this is, she’s suppose to be the strong one here and people come to visit her and she spends half the night in her bedroom. Which is ridiculous of course. That thought never entered my mind at all and I’m sure it was the same for everyone else. I do worry and I get a little scared when that happens. This strength, this woman who has been there for me always is suddenly so fragile and weak. When it happens, it’s a little overwhelming..

Mum is ok now, well I think so. When I left she swore she was ok, I wonder though. I feel a little restless. For some reason I imagine the festivities continued long into the night. My brother seemed to have an excess of energy but hey, what am I saying, when does he ”not” have and excess of energy. My bro can be a complete ass sometimes. He showed that in his narrow minded opinions about relationships and women tonight. I just hope it was the alcohol and the company and not his true feelings on the subject.

Sleep is calling. A new one for me eh? I think I can actually get to sleep before the sun rises tonight.