I didn’t do the Friday Five this week. I looked at the questions and thought ok, I have no idea so forget it lol. That kind of mood sums up my entire Friday to Sunday really. I was feeling somewhat angsty so I thought it better to just stay away from anything which gave me free reign to whine about it all

Going to see One Dollar Short and The Juliana Theory on Wednesday night with Jodie. Should be really good. See, Jodie and I decided we were spending way too much time considering why we did nothing exciting anymore so we made a pact not too! I really wish I had a camera. I could pick up some very cool shots. That’s next on my list. I mean I do have a camera but it’s crappy and not worth taking anything with really and saving for anything while on a student income is not an easy task.

Maybe Ill just borrow one, or something.

I had my demon slaying dream again last night. I’m not particularly super hero like in it or anything but I kill stuff and it ain’t human so I’m guessing that’s a good thing.

It all starts with building this altar, all set to go with talismans and herbs, like you do when preparing for a demonic invasion But then everyone disappears and the lights go out, night approaches and I realise one of the nasty critters is in the room with me. I run of course. I’m not exactly armed with anything useful. By the way, these demons have bows, apparently that’s the best they could do.

Then it’s like Underworld Con 2003. There are masses of different creatures, most of them resembling humans, all moving over the horizon toward somewhere I now have a dagger, a rather sparkly sharp one and I use it to fight my way through. It gets very graphic right about there so I’ll skip that part.

I arrive at a rather pretty house, where the rest of my friends are. This is the place we now await the coming of the one or whatever he is. Nasty looking 9 or 10 ft tall thing he is. I woke up there this time.

I just think it’s bizarre that I have had this dream about three times now and it’s always the same. Hope it’s not a premonition. Don’t blame me if it is ok? Ok.

Its over there. Meant to post this last night. So now I’m using my time changing powers to do so.

1. Surf sites at random, or have a set list of regular reads?
Both really. I have a heap of regular reads that I try to visit every day, although not always possible and then Ill usually go off on a tangent, exploring other linked sites.

2. Do you visit mostly blogs, or news or other sites?
Mostly blogs yep. I’m not one for keeping up with the news too well. I usually find out things via other people telling me so but occasionally Ill check out whats going on. I visit a lot of art and animation sites too. Plus my regular gaming ones.

3. Do you go online every day, or just a couple of days a week?
Everyday. It is in fact the first thing I do every morning over breakfast, unless of course we have other plans which come first.

4. Do you allow comments on your blog, or not?
Yep, love comments and appreciate every single one. I’m not too good on the comment thing because I’m so shy, yeah even in written format. I also tend to go over everything I say a hundred times then consider that I sounded like a dumbass so I delete it but I’m always reading, even if I don’t say anything sometimes

5. Do you shop online at all, or at regular stores?
I shop online more than I should But only for certain things. I buy most of my DVDs online. I know a place where I can buy my CDs for 19.95 so I usually opt for regular store shopping with them. Most of my online purchases are for things I cant get in Australia so have to order from overseas. Usually band merchandise, games, independent CDs, unknown-of-in-Australia anime and the likes.

6. Have you ever done online bill-paying/banking, or not?
Almost all of my transactions, except for actually putting money in the account is done online.

7. Which news site do you prefer… MSNBC.com or CNN.com? Or do you prefer some other one?
I use Newz Crawler for starters. Gives me a wide range of local, tech and overseas news. I also visit The Sydney News, AlterNet, ninemsn, Magick for pagan news, disinformation. And for music, Whammo blistering.com and triple j. Hmm, ok thats quite a link list there.

8. Live chat rooms, or message boards?
I don’t really frequent very many of either anymore. I probably prefer live chat though.

9. Instant messaging or e-mail?
Both

10. Yes or no: have you ever met, or at least talked on the phone with, another blogger? If not, would you want to? Why or why not?
Not with another blogger. I have made friends with and talked/met people online before though. Sure I’d want to All the people I know through blogging are amazing people, why would I not?

When you get to the end of all the light you know and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.

I like that explanation of faith and even though theres times where I probably don’t have enough of it, I do, in the back of my mind, always believe that something will be there to pick me up when I fall, that closing a door opens windows.

I don’t necessarily believe that faith comes from religion either, although in that case religion tends to be a bit like the nicotine patch you use when you want to quit smoking. It’s giving you something to cling to, a support that you wouldn’t otherwise have had. Ultimately, faith will come when you least expect it and surprise you with how much strength you actually have within yourself. Its taking chances and believing in yourself and I don’t think theres enough of that going around lately.

I would have liked to know what went through my uncles mind the night he gave up, he hung himself at his work, at his garage. I can’t even begin to fathom reaching that point of despair, where there’s just no faith left at all, where there’s nothing left, just emptiness, blackness. My mother was angry at him, so angry. She couldn’t understand it either. He was a quiet man, but he never seemed one to give up hope like that. No one could have ever picked that Phillip would be out of our lives at such a young age.

I still can’t comprehend it, maybe I haven’t even accepted it yet. It scared me even more so because I always believed that taking your own life was weak and selfish but my uncle wasn’t a selfish man and he had strength at times that went beyond anything I could manage. So what happened? What happens to you at that point where you can’t see in front of you, or behind you anymore? How can giving up ever be a solution to the problem.

I guess in a way I’m happy that I have such a strong hold on my faith, that those kind of negative thoughts are a rarity for me these days. I think it comes with growing up, with learning, from life or perhaps It’s something entirely different. Perhaps everything is already mapped out and we have no control whatsoever over it all and if thats the case, then what is the purpose of faith if not to keep us feeling alive?

Note to self - You’re doing rather large amounts of procrastinating lately, yeah don’t think I haven’t noticed. Plus you seem to believe starting projects and not finishing them is an effective method of pretending like you are getting anything done. I bet you finished listening to those CDs you bought on the weekend, bet you’ve already memorised the words to at least three tracks.

Wow, I’ve only just dragged myself home. I went out with Jodie and Leisa to see some bands play at a bar further up the mountains. Much fun was had of course, although I was designated driver strangely enough, so my alcohol intake was rather harshly culled. At least now I can save myself the morning after recovery, that’s a good thing yes.

Bands were great and I discovered Colorblind. Such amazing talent there. They are supporting Zed on their Starlight tour so seeing them was great too. Zed did a cover of Creep by Radiohead while they were there and had it spot on, which believe me is hard to do.

Was nice to have a girlie night out. Haven’t had one in ages Oh and I managed to fix up the Gallery in my post bar moments, whiling away the early hours of the morning and talking to some friends. Bliss!

Gallery is a bit dead at the moment. I tried to install the new version of Gallery and of course I stuffed it up somehow. This script is by no means an easy install and I still can’t get it to recognize my NetPBM directory. Ive tried everything and it just doesn’t want to find it. So I go ahead and use ImageMagick and I get php errors now.

 (sigh) Ive so lost patience with it, maybe tomorrow.

I know I haven’t had much of a chance to be around this week, such is life Heres five things you wouldn’t otherwise have known. 

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
My hair has a natural wave in it, you can see it more so when it’s wet. Its pretty much always been long too. I cut it short in high school briefly but I dont think I ever got used to it. The longest I had it was past my waist but right now it’s just past my shoulders. 

2.  How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
Lifetime huh. Well dramatically of course. When I was little I had blonde curls, which turned into a golden brown and seems to be getting darker as I get older. I’ve had all sorts of dramatic cuts (some I’ll never live down) and a rainbow of colours too  

3.  How do your normally wear your hair?
When I go out I wear it down, make a bit of an effort but day to day I usually just tie it up messily, or a pony tail. 

4.  If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
Ive always wanted hair like Sarah Brightman, as you can see here and here and here. I think she’s beautiful  

5.  Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
Yep. When I was about 16 I decided to get my hair permed, as you did, was all the rage. Anyway I had it done but two days later it was looking pretty lank and the curl had almost all fallen out. So I went back to the hairdresser and she agreed to do it again for me although, I had no idea the damage I was about to do to my hair. 

Two days later my hair started breaking. It would break off about 10cm away from the scalp so on top of my head I had all this short hair which would go nowhere. lol, Its funny now yeah, at the time It wasn’t so pretty, took ages to grow out too.

A quick one this week. 

1.  Newspapers or magazines?
Magazines.

2.  Books-on-tape or regular books?
Regular books.

3.  Paperback or hardcover?
Doesn’t really matter.

4.  Fiction or non-fiction?
Fiction for sure

5. Sci-Fi, Fantasy or romance novels?
Sci and Fantasy! Although I think I prefer fantasy. Either are the ultimate escape though.

6.  Borrow from library or buy books (either new or used)?
I tend to buy all my books. I like creating a collection. I borrow alot of non-fiction, resource books.

7.  Subscribe to magazines or buy on newsstand?
I’d love to subscribe but I just never seem to get around to it, end up buying them from the newsagent instead.

8.  Current best-sellers or classic literature?
A bit of both.

9.  Read books once, or re-read favorites every so often?
I can only re-read them if they were really good but that’s rare. Normally it’s once, unlike movies, which I can watch a hundred times.

10.  Here in the U.S., we have two hot best-sellers…former First Lady Hillary Clintons memoirs, and the new Harry Potter book (coming out June 21). If you had to read one, which one…Hillary or Harry? Why?
Harry because Im not really one for the whole memoir thing plus it wouldn’t interest me anyway. Harry would on the other hand because of the whole fantasy genre.

I have a problem with the word whore I also have a problem with the four letter C word, I always have. It’s even worse when you see it being used in the most general ways. Is it just common place to use these words in every day subjects? Am I the only one that is totally offended by them? 

There are 12 year old girls on the net, proud to call themselves whores. I’m a cam whore, I’m such a bitch whore, even out of my mouth it doesn’t sound right. Do the parents know their kids parade in front of cameras half naked for dirty old men, gladly paying 2.99 a month to ogle young flesh? 

I like to think there’s some sanctity in the world, that not all is lost. That manners, moral decency and a little bit of civility still exists. Yeah I may be old fashioned in some of my values but I don’t believe those values are necessarily bad ones either. 

I can’t get past how young girls are so proud of being called a bitch, or a whore. Is it something to do with being a strong independent woman that doesn’t take shit from anyone? Because I guarantee you can achieve independence and strength without calling yourself a bitch or advertising the fact that your sexuality is yours to give frequently to whomever you wish.