It’s what I SHOULD be doing.

1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not?
Of course I like to shop! Just not when the place is swarming with people to the point of not being able to navigate the aisles without bumping into people. That’s bad shopping. Good shopping is however a therapeutic thing for me. I like pretty things ok.

2. What was the last thing you purchased?
I bought a top yesterday, that was a more major purchase. Technically, the last thing I bought was $10 worth of petrol and a 1.5L bottle of water at the service station on the way home from the plaza.

3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why?
Both. I think I prefer shopping at an actual store because the purchase is immediate. With online shopping there’s always that agonising wait until you get your goodies. However, the surprise package’s arrival is pretty good too. I eBay purchase alot, so I guess I’m a little addicted to that feeling.

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it?
Yep. When I was younger I think it was $5 a week or maybe a fortnight. All I remember is it wasn’t much, enough to buy a bag of lollies or something. When I got a bit older I used to get $20 every pay day, which was fortnightly too.

5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing?
I bought a CD on eBay, thought it was a rare version but found the same track listing in one at the shops later that day, $10 cheaper. I’m pretty much over it though.

I’m feeling a bit more human today. Like I said, I don’t often get depressed about stuff but when I do they’re major moods and well, those that know me realise the best thing to do at times like that is to stay as far away as possible lol. Well I’m in a much cheerier mood anyway

I got a little disheartened at the gym yesterday because I’d been losing heaps of weight each week and then this week gone by it was only like half a kilo I guess It’s losing and that’s a good thing no matter how much it was. I think I may have hit one of those nasty plateaus. Was just a bad week. This week is going to be much better!

I finished Nano a couple of days ago. I wasn’t really into posting about it as much as I probably should have ( and did the first time around ). I just wanted to get it written and it wasn’t feeling like something I wanted to put out there to read.. it was shite, honestly. It’s that annoying perfectionist editor in me. I may just post some of it one day but until It’s of a benefit to the general population of the earth and not something to go running and screaming from, then it shall stay where it is.

And I STILL haven’t done any Christmas Shopping..

Really getting all down again this afternoon. I have no idea why. I just feel so far away from everything that nothing I do will ever matter again and that is pretty low. I feel like I’ve boxed myself in and now I don’t want anything to get in or out. I feel tiny and trivial and pathetic.

This doesn’t often happen. 99 percent of my life I spend being the positive influence. Always smiling, always seeing the good in situations and people. Always being the support, hardly the supported. But you know, fuck it because I feel this way and too bad if It’s not politically correct. I don’t feel in fact. I don’t care today.

I spent most of the past weekend trying to explain the necessities of mowing to my Peter. The backyard was looking like an amazonian swamp, what with all the rain and masses of knee length grass. The cat had to leap through it just to find his way to the other side, sometimes he’d get lost and you would hear a faint mewing coming from within the center.

He tends to leave it until It’s at the stage where plowing through it with a harvester would be easier but then proceeds to spend the entire weekend complaining about how long it is and that the neighbours must have different grass because there’s doesn’t grow as fast…

The task eventually got done, for the time being, It’s a vicious circle.

The neighbours also put up their christmas lights over the weekend. Why god why! I’m not sure if they’re trying to compete with Grace Bros, (who mind you seem to put their’s up in October) I like to put mine up in December at least. Still trying to work out how to get 250 fairy lights up a 20 foot tree.

Worship Friday you must.

1. List five things you would like to accomplish by the end of the year.
Well for starters my weight and fitness goals will be 1/4 way there. Oh my god I have goals! And that’s it. See I knew it was too good to be true I really don’t have five accomplishments because as you may know, I’m not really one to plan anything. I live day to day.

2. List five people you’ve lost contact with that you would like to hear from again.
I don’t think this Friday Five had me in mind when being created lol. I have lost contact with a couple of friends from school but recently caught up with them again so there’s no one else out there now. Ok maybe one. This guy I met at the beach while holidaying years ago. His name was Ronnie. He was an angel and seriously turned my life around but I was too young and stupid to appreciate it. I kind of wish I could say thanks to him.

3. List five things you would like to learn how to do.
Play viola and cello, dance (I know how to shuffle around and look like I’m dancing.. I mean fancy styles here) Be able to always see beyond the negative, fly a plane and record music professionally.

4. List five things you would do if you won the lottery (no limit).
Pay my parents mortgage off and make sure they’re happy and comfortable for the rest of their lives. Buy my brother a car so he can be the free spirit he is and go anywhere he wants. Give money to WSPA, World Vision and Amnesty International. Take a trip to Ireland and finally buy our own home.

5. List five things you do that help you relax.
I love being amongst nature, that in itself is relaxing, particularly beside the ocean. There’s always some kind of connection there. Reading helps me relax as does listening to music. I meditate also which of course is the best way for me to wind down quickly. My most favourite from of relaxing though is all about camping out in front of the tv and watching movies.

This post will probably contain traces of spoiler like material about the movie Phone Booth so If you haven’t seen this movie yet then for the love of god.. don’t let your eyes wander farther than this sentence!
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Ok that was enough dots. I have a very simple problem with this movie. I was happily watching in suspense, really caught up in at about an hour through. I loved the feel and pace of it and was completely intrigued with where it was going to go. Then the next thing I know It’s over! I was thinking surely this can’t be it. I mean it was obvious it wasn’t going to be him that died in the end. I knew it couldn’t be over that quickly BUT there really was nothing else after that. I kept waiting at the edge of my seat even as the first credit rolled for more.. I dearly wanted more.

Was disappointed with it. I’ve tried to look past that and enjoy the movie for what it was and it WAS enjoyable otherwise I wouldn’t have been so upset by that dreadful ending. I thought I was watching an abridged version. Oh well

On another note. YAY GUY! He deserved to win Idol (well actually Paulini deserved to win Idol..but anyway ) because of his amazing talent. He has that needed personality and he’s extremely humble too, down to earth. I felt a little bit sorry for Shannon while they were playing back his journey through idol, playing his best songs and for a second I wanted them both to win but that was just a momentary lapse of sanity, was very happy Guy won.

What the hell was Marcia Hines wearing? :s Was like a giant sparkly 70’s space suit.

For weeks I’ve been telling myself that christmas shopping will not be an option after the 1st of December. I planned on getting everything done before the plaza turned into an ant colony. So far I’ve accomplished nothing. This is not good. Last year we were even shopping on christmas eve. Even worse. I refuse for my shopping to become a battle for survival again this year.

It takes all the meaning out of buying a gift and turns it into a ‘must hurry up and just get something’ task. This may be some kind of self reminder right here.

If you’re questioning why I am going on about christmas when I am clearly a devoted pagan and celebrate Yule in June and Beltaine in December then let me explain. Christmas is a family tradition. My mother is Catholic (non practicing and possibly an atheist now : ) and my dad is Church of England. My mothers sister and her family are all still fairly devotional catholics too.

Of course it does have slightly different meaning to me. Obviously I’m not celebrating the birth of Jesus.. if anyone celebrates christmas for that reason anymore (mini rant about christmas commercialism there) For me It’s simply about family, reflection and includes some aspects of pagan mythology and history. Plus the most important I believe. Any holiday or occasion that brings that much happiness to a world in dire need of some cheering up, has to be a good thing.

Here are some pagan background to two of the most prominent icons linked with modern day christmas.

• The Advent Wreath had its beginnings in the pagan fire wheel, made from greens to symbolize life. Some people burned greens on the hillsides; others made great wheels set them afire and rolled them down the hills.
• Yggdrasil, the World Tree, is a universal symbol of life whose roots and branches were thought to hold the universe together. It early times it was the sacred tree before the house of the gods, decorated with small lamps, bowls of fat and cedar wicks. As we light our Christmas tree we simply reenact that ancient ritual. Mistletoe was sacred to the Druids, for it was supposed to have healing powers. It was also a symbol of peace - enemies would stand beneath a spray to make peace compacts, sealing them with a kiss.

I was going to quote more from this but I’ll just link it instead. It’s a very interesting, well written article without the biased view about Pagan Christmas.

Having felt absolutely revolting when I woke up this morning, It’s no wonder talking myself into going to the gym for my regular session was a difficult task. I had an appointment with my personal trainer and yes I could have called in sick but I thought maybe I’d feel better once I got there. Well I did, but her invitation to join the fitball class in the afternoon was rather dutifully declined. Oh I said I might be there but while I was nodding and sounding enthused by her descriptions, inside I was shaking my head rigorously. I managed to get up and here, no way I’m going back again this afternoon for more of it. And now I want to climb into bed because I still feel sickly but I can’t because I’m just too energised now. Stupid treadmill.

My motivation otherwise hasn’t lapsed. When I put my mind to something I tend to stick to it. My stubborn trait works both ways see. When I wanted to give up smoking, I did it. Stopped biting my nails and grew them long for the first time in 20 years, done. There just is no miracle cure for anything, especially losing weight and getting fit. It’s hard work and anyone that tells you any different is lying. I work my butt off in that gym every day just to take away the amount of calories that one cup of pasta has in it. Scary huh? But it does work, you just have to WANT it to work so badly, otherwise your success rate is halved instantly.

Wow, just wanted to say how dedicated Jason is over at Blogrolling to get this sorted so quickly. As you can see all the links are back, I can breath now. Apparently it was hacked but had nothing to do with the blog mentioned. That girl just zoomed to the top of the list for link popularity for a few hours hehe.

Anyway all is well. Another good reason for me to finally use that backup function over there.

Do you download MP3s from places like kazaa, winmx? Tell the truth :P I’ve been questioning whether the downloading of MP3s totally contradicts my stand on copyright issues on the net. My argument was that music is made to be heard and if we as the fans don’t populate it and spread the word then the band doesn’t get the same public exposure. I’ve discovered so many really good bands that I would never have known about if it wasn’t for MP3 and gone on to see them live, bought their merchandise and CDs.

On the other hand, I keep thinking, well isn’t art made me to be seen again and more exposure can only be a good thing, yet I don’t think It’s ok to copy it and show it freely. So how is it any different? Have I just pondered myself into a corner?

I’m very adamant about music being free for the people and disgusted that the music business thinks it has to play god and not only charge us a fortune for our music but also control our listening habits and taste in music, brainwash us with majority pleasing trash and cancel our right to have access to our favourite music without paying out more money to line their pockets, which of, the band gets a minute percentage.

So what is the difference? How can I so strongly believe in one and not the other? There are details, there are differences I think. I think that go between (music biz) is the big bad that I’m trying to oppose. Independent artists will always be affected directly and in a big way. I don’t see big names being affected with the money they already pull in (cough*metallica*cough). Maybe I’m just making excuses.