Incredible short horror/suspense film directed by Jon Knautz, written by Charles Johnston

Why is it every time I upgrade Wordpress a fancier, newer, shinier version comes out and makes me go through it all over again?

I’ll upgrade at some point I guess.. Just because I must have it.

I’ve been a little bothered by something on my blog crawl today. A large majority of blogs I come across seem to have posts proclaiming their bipolar diagnosis. Proclaiming, as if it were a medal of honour. What I’d like to know is, who diagnosed the depression? Did you self diagnose it after realising you had 70 percent of the same symptoms as other bipolar sufferers?

Ok, so don’t let me upset the masses here by saying that not everyone who believes themselves to be bipolar, is not. In truth you may very well be. (I find it hard to even believe that depression is not something entirely self created and a side effect of entirely different social and introspective issues , but.. I won’t go into things that deeply at this time)

I am catering here for those that choose to believe, that because their lives are a little hard, because they get upset, sad, “depressed” and have random mood swings, that they are definitely a victim of clinical depression. That these people find it their duty to relay this information on their blogs, with a long list of the medication they’ve been on and a play by play of each of their side effects due to such medications.

What the hell are you thinking? Depression is a state of mind, states of mind can be changed. You can’t lift yourself out of a hole if you don’t want to get out of it. I do believe that some individuals create their sickness and adore every second of it.

Is it cool to be bipolar? Is it not emo enough to be happy for at least 50 percent of the day? What is with this epidemic of self diagnosis? This generation of downtrodden that seem to wholeheartedly believe they have the most unlivable lives in existence.

Those that think it’s cool to be angry and pissed off all the time, those that make excuses for their lack of understanding or self respect and choose to let these elements of themselves bleed on to everyone who has ever thought to care about them. Stop lying to yourself and think for a second. Are you really that sick? Or can you choose to stand up and walk away from this?

Whether this population of people are victims or the predecessors of a trend gone horribly wrong, I can’t say, I’m not a professional in any medical field. And if there is an outbreak of bipolar due to our environment and the ever growing pressure that builds within society to be something you can’t no matter how much you try, then that really makes me feel sick.

This is the problem with something that can’t officially be diagnosed with specific test and result type scenarios, patterns of the mind that we really don’t understand enough. We take a process of elimination and hand out the leftovers.

I believe self degradation can be manifested through a genuine want to be different.

It seems that Vanguard may not be happening after all. Before spending money on MMORPGs I like to make sure that A, I can afford it and B, I can run it. I have a fairly decent system, pent 4 3.4, 1GB ram, Radeon 9600 Pro which is getting a little old now but still kicks much butt with most of my games, and some other nifty stuff. It’s certainly not anything to drool over, but it gets the job done and does it well.

However, it seems that trying to play Vanguard on this system would be like trying to play Star Wars Galaxies on a 486. Craptacular frame rates, thus lack of movement and an inability to hike up the graphics to eye bleeding quality. This is hard truth to comprehend for a graphic whore like myself. I don’t want to pay for it if I have to play with pixels that sort of look like something if you squint really hard. Nor do I want to spend my game time running head first into a wall in any majorly populated city. I want the good stuff.

So to play it looks like I need, essentially, more ram and a better vid card. Which of course equals more money. Especially when you’re a person who can’t settle for average. Especially when you want something like the Sparkle G8800GTX

I’d really love a new computer, even though I recently upgraded this one. I have no problems whatsoever spending major amounts of money on hardware. I just wish I could afford to right now!

What do they do to make the Quilt Cover sets look so fluffy and luxurious on the package. I’ve been pouring over bed linen sites trying to find something just right and noticed how gorgeous everything looks in the picture and I just know that I’m going to put myself through this all over again.

Exhibit A - Puffy Picture Perfect

The problem is, once I get this perfect package unwrapped and fitted neatly on my bed I stand back and wonder if this is even the same linen I purchased in the first place. Yeah the colours look the same and sure enough, there’s two pillow cases and a cover but where did my fluffy, luxurious bedding go? Instead I’m presented with a flat, un-fluffy, awkward looking bed.

Flat Bed (No this is not my bed)

Is it the five hundred pillows they throw on the bed? Is there a pre-fluffing or stuffing ritual going on to give the illusion of fullness? I’d love to know. Because I’ve tried creating an illusion of cushioning, I’ve tried a zillion pillows and I still can’t get the damn thing to look like in those pictures.

All of this is stemming from the fact that we had to buy a new bed today. We actually broke the other one. We were bouncing on it and now it’s dead. Yes I still jump on my bed when I feel so inclined. However, our new bedding set is NOT to be jumped upon. I have already cleared this with myself and will try to refrain from random acts of spontaneity.

It can’t be delivered until Tuesday, so until then, we sleep on the floor

My Thursday has been an exceptionally lazy day. It’s not even a refusal to do things, I want to do things, there’s a load of things I should be and could be doing; I just can’t seem to find any motivation to do any of them.

I spend a large chunk of my time planning things and after I’ve planned out everything I’m going to do for the day, that’s about as far as it gets. So as far as productive goes as a theme for Thursday, I’d say no.

I still have this damn twitch in my eyelid which is starting to really bother me. It doesn’t hurt but it’s annoying. I was reading up on what might cause such a tragic thing to happen and it appears it may be related to stress or too much caffeine. Now I have indeed upped my intake of caffeine lately but the stress levels, yep they’re still up there with the planning of the day. Maybe it’s both. I will endeavour to attempt a process of elimination over the next few days and see what that results in.

So not much happening today other than eye twitching and pretend planning but I did however get some more site issues fixed up. I might add, while I’m on the topic, that some aspects of this site may not necessarily work or look all that pretty in IE. I personally don’t care because I gave up IE years ago after battling with trying to css the site but some IE users may and that’s why I thought I’d bring it up.

I only design for Mozilla now and it’s really all I can be bothered doing. I’ll check it in IE briefly to make sure half the page is not completely blank or some other joyful event such as this, but that’s as far as I’ll bother with it. It can stay broken, it’s too hard to please every browser anymore and I’m convinced that IE has schizophrenic tendencies. Many times has it taken my code and added imaginary spaces and lines to it.

Perhaps tomorrow will be more productive.

This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen all week and I just sat staring at this for the last god knows how long. This one was the cutest that I came across at the time, but you can create your own two dimensional picture and animate it into a 3D dancing disco freak! What else would you rather be doing with your time?

Some of my creations should never be seen by human eyes again but it was fun to see the dancing mutants flail about for a few.

Ok, problem solved. Security issue which I believe was due to an earlier version of Wordpress being still installed. I’m all upgraded now and even though things still load slower than what I’d like them to, yeah I want my internet when I want it, it’s way better than what it was when it was being molested.

I’ve installed and plugged for two days and I have a twitch in my left eyelid which won’t stop. I wish it would because I seriously feel like I’m the one with syntax errors.

Anyway back to my normal schedule tomorrow. For now I’m gonna go sleep this off.

I leave you with not only my favourite song right now but an experimentation of a newish toy.

That’s an average of how long the database is taking to load these pages. Is it an MySql problem? I have no clue anymore. I’ve done everything I can possibly except for a completely clean reinstall. The reason I don’t believe now that it’s any of my plugins or anything in the template code is because the admin panel is taking just as long to load.

I really wish I hadn’t upgraded to 2.1 now. Oh yeah I love all the new features and whatever. Auto Save? How long have I wanted that baby! But eh, I can’t handle the slow loading, It’s driving me crazy waiting a minute just to switch pages while in admin.

I’ve googled up quite a few others who seem to be having slow loading issues with 2.1 and it may be entirely due to a different database table structure and things not upgrading, but I’m 99 percent sure my tables are fine.

I’m walking away from it for a few hours to clear my head because I’ve literally been at it all night and morning. If it doesn’t improve I guess I have no choice but to export everything and reinstall the entire site.

I can’t work out what is going on with my site right now. It’s loading really slowly and trying my patience. I have deactivated all plugins and checked loading time and nothing seems to make any difference. Is anyone else finding that it’s taking an unusually long time for this page to load? Curious whether it’s on my end or not. It may be my connection.

Alright I have managed to pull together most of what was already there, and a few nicer upgrades of a few features. Still don’t know what the deal was. I’ve also installed a barrage of new security features so if for some reason you leave a comment and it doesn’t show or anything of the sort, just drop me an email and I’ll clear it up. It really is sad that we have to take such measures on our personal sites. It creates too much bitterness.

I’m also FINALLY working on the other sections of the site. It is however a work in progress and because of the nature of a site like this, it won’t remain static and will forever be changing, or so I hope. That’s what makes it interesting.